i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
