i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
