I am puke
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
