It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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