just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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