She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
