So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
