The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
