yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
