My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
