I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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