I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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