Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
