so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I cut my penus on the lid.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
So much rum. So many feels.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
