you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
