WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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