Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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