you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
foreskin is a definite game changer
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
