God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
