come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
