so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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