the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize