I need to stop coming to work sober
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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