I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
