walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.