yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
