mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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