i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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