The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
