WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
