Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
