After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
