Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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