Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
