i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
