Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
