White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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