is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
