You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
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I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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