i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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