I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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