Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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