She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
