fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I forget how to act sober
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
