He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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