My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
