I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
