Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Randomize
