just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
