I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
