he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
