Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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