she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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