I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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