I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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