I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
