wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
