You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
