ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
