It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm passing your future prison.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
