my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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